Ship of fools: the autonomous individual on a journey of self discovery.

Years ago I watched a movie that told the story of a man who grew up physically but mentally and emotionally he remained a child. Because he was very large and powerfully built he caused a lot of harm to others and himself in his awkward attempts at interaction. Lenny came to an early death at the hand of his best friend when his mistakes threatened to cause major trouble for both of them. This portrayal of failing to grow up is found in John Steinbeck's, Of Mice and Men, (later I read the book, well most of the Book). Such a theme plays on again and again in movies and books. This is because, I believe it says something about a human situation and directly speaks to a common circumstance many find themselves entangled in, to a greater or lesser degree.

We usually all grow up physically, but all of us fail to some extent in the growth of our minds, wills, and emotions. Many think that there is one more type of growth, spiritual growth. They are wrong. Truth is, mental, volitional, and emotional, growth is to be directed towards the spiritual. The Spiritual is the form that we fit all our human function’s into (metal, emotional volitional functions). When it comes to such soul growth many are lacking. Some have such growth stunted at a very early age, or tragically never even begin the process. Whether it is out of personality twisting hurts or just plan stubbornness, defiant arrogance or blind ignorance, many live under grown and they are not the only ones that get hurt. Oddly, many get good jobs, and have “apparently” normal lives but they never develop beyond the inner infant.

Perhaps you do not see the need to grow up further in these ways. You may be, possibly, probably, passively, in denial like much of the world where we live. It is often thought with a blinding naïveté, that it’s not just “Ok” but a “right” to “Do it my way”. “It” being “life” and all things crammed into that small landscape of the soul.

Think of it this way, life is to sail on a ship, and “my way” is being the one in control of the ship –at the helm– drunk with self-directed pleasure. To sail on a ship of one, in adventures driven by desires. Desires that are sometimes common like lust or greed, sometimes deeper like insecurity or questions of adequacy. Always ending in ports of emptiness for this is a ship of one. So ultimate the concern, so consuming is the quest that in one’s wake is the scattered ravages of those left for dead, mowed over and used. The remains of half eaten souls adrift but pointing the “way” as evidence of the direction some people travel. Found in the frothy, foamy, stirring of the waters is the product of one self-directed life. So such ships sail on in using people and loving things. Yet, no fault or blame is to rests on any head. It just happened that way is all that is said. Or quick to assume blame before blame can be given is the way many keep themselves from personal knowledge of wrong’s unforgiven.

When there is something more powerful than knowing and being known, a power, a need to prove to the self that sufficiency can be wed to one who is alone. Then life takes on a whole new color, for one is the friend, shipmate and brother. Such people know distance in wide open spaces. They feel a cold distance in people and faces. So Spaces like the open sea are all they know. A life empty yet filled up yet ever on the go. For them, Friendships are fleeting, connections are few, for one is the captain and one is the crew. Does such a person appear noble to you? Does such a life really ring as true?

If that is your opinion take a hard look around. Open wide -past the blinders- see life falling down. Open your eyes to life as it is, once again, for the first time, see life in the wake. How many broken marriages and bad relationships do you see? In the ones you know about, how many of the problems are caused by childishly selfish attitudes Count them one two three? And what of those that are winsome yet defiant of God's laws? Subversive, forgetful, they pile up excusive that amount to a lie, and that’s all!

So Ask yourself:

Why do we keep trying so hard to make self-sufficiency the mark of maturity? Carol Gilliagan put it best when he wrote:

“To see self-sufficiency as the hallmark of maturity conveys a view of adult life that is at odds with the human condition, a view that cannot sustain the kinds of long-term commitments and involvements with other people that are necessary for raising and educating a child or for citizenship in a democratic society.” [1]

It's called the Peter Pan Principle, We do not grow up till we choose to do so. Growth does not happen until we do the role to grow. This is spiritual and practical all in one. One can be 80 and on the inside still a child, but not in a way of joyful energy, that is to be celebrated and is a result of one that grew up well! No when this child is still inside the way is always theirs and selfish is the heart. Sadly the older a person gets the more complex the desires become. No longer is it I want a cookie but I want validation like evidence that “I AM STRONG”! It is glory? It is honor? It is all wrong! Further still, the older they are the more adapted they are at justifying there actions.

Questions to consider

As a generation of broken “this”, and dysfunctional “that”, ask yourself do I sail on smiling but alone.

How deep do my relationships go?

Am I honest with how I present information or always giving it with a little spin?

Do I tell those friends in my daily space the truth, or do they get a snips version of the fact so I can steer them to motivate me in the way I want them to motivate me? (That’s called social manipulation, by the way).

Do I lock people out of my life, stop informing them of my life because, they could cause me to have to change?

Do people drift in and out of my life and never stay? Are my longest friendships shorter than 1/4^th my age?

Am I still in contact with people that I knew 10-15 years ago?

If I look back at my past have I hurt more people then been hurt by people?

Do I often resort to indifference as a way to deal with guilt?

If other people of both genders where to ask me about my level of consideration and care for people what number for 1-10 would most people rate me? What would males rate me? What would females rate me?

Do I walk away when things get hard, unwilling to face truth and try change?

Do I love things more than people? Do I love importance more than people? Do I love my life more than people?

Why is it that we are determined not to grow up! We don't want to grow up!
Could it be we confuse childlikeness with childishness and so sail on!
Inside little children, outside Hurting people, a life that reduces our souls to a dry leathery nothing.

---

[1] Carol Gilligan from Mapping the Moral, prologue (1988).