Bad at being a Woman?
An interesting paradox exist in the application of complementarism (biblical doctrine of gender roles), the proper understanding of gender roles and proper use of gender roles breaks down most often when a one dimensional understanding of the female person (womanhood) is promoted. You see an oppressive misuse of the complementarism position among groups that view women as weak, helpless, inferior creatures. In the past this created cultures where women were not encouraged to learn, to be educated, to grow as human beings. The southern cliché of "barefoot and pregnant" is an expression of such confusion. Many feminists blame the Biblical doctrine of gender roles. They claim it makes women, "bad at being a woman!" They blame the biblical doctrine for producing such confusion when in actuality it is the churches inability to teach the whole scope of Biblical womanhood that has lead to such oppressively poor execution. So why do so many cultures misapply this doctrine, mutating it into some kind of Frankenstein of oppression.
Outside of the obvious men are stupid. There is a deeper more social aspect I am interested in thinking about. I begin with an observation. I found it odd that many descriptions of female identity in modern culture as strong, thoughtful and capable women is not far from the truth. They promote a woman who "owns her femininity" and is "her own person". Such conceptions are not far from the Christian conceptions of femininity, just take out the pride, self-sufficient autonomy and underlying lesbianism (or over-pumped sexuality) and you have Biblical womanhood.
Look at Hebrew culture, particularly what was considered the "ideal" godly woman found in Proverbs 31. It describes a very industrious woman, far from helpless with lace like delicacy. A strong woman of character, ingenuity, and intelligence, who is her own person. A woman who lives fearlessly except on her knees before God. Also in the new testament, when paul wrote about gender roles it was in the context of a Greek and Roman culture where women ran homes like businesses. In Paul's contexts there was the denigration of women. He knew of such injustices but on a whole Roman and greek homes were ran by industrious strong women.
So am I saying since our culture is not Paul's culture we should not be complementarians? No, not at all. We should train our children, particularly our little girls in what a truly Godly woman looks like. Empower them to be women after God's heart and indue them with a strength that is more than cheap knockoff victorian counterfeits or modern feminist propaganda. I'm talking about creating a culture by training children to define their life by God's terms, and particularly His idea of gender. It is also known as biblical gender identity or more intellectually condescending as a transcultural understanding of gender. What it means to a man or woman must be learned. Modern sociology has reinforced this truth by reminding us such gender identity is in part socially constructed. We all learn what it means to be a man or a woman from our social relationships and the culture we live in. Sometimes what we learn is closer to the biblical norm sometimes farther from it, in either case we learn gender identity from a socially constructed understanding of gender.
Teaching the next generation
We honor God's created order best when we teach our little girls to be strong in Christ, Don't make the weaker sex a victorian maiden or helpless princess. The Biblical female gender role is clear, (helper, and so on), but young girls should be taught to be empowered helpers not helpless homemakers or allowed to be formed by the worlds other extreme, heartless feminism. Womanhood is more than what they do.
If we answer questions of female identity with the complexity and strength shown of women in scripture we open women to the freeing power of biblical gender roles. If we show them Proverbs 31 as the ideal women. Remind them of mary's heart for God and of her courageous faith. She trusted God and was up for the task. Teach them Jesus' character as a picture of true humanity, the foundation from which their femininity will gain a sure footing, take root, grow and blossom.
Complimentarianism frees woman. A two way freedom that frees them from slavery and for service to God. It is freedom from oppressive structures (liberal and fundamentalist), from false labels (given by Victorian literature and militant feminism) and freedom for worshipful service, for God's purposes in their life, for God's glory.
Note - I know I have not talked about training the boys to be responsive and responsible. Biblical masculinity has nothing to do with John Wayne and everything to do with passion for God. That is the other side of the coin. But for now these are just some of my thoughts.
In Him
J. Dawson Jarrell
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